All Through The Night

It was day before Thanksgiving 2009.

Through one of my friends in a deeply spiritual conversation, I first heard about NODA. NODA stands for No One Dies Alone. When I heard about it I had to stop him and ask questions. The goose bumps covering my body were a sign I'd come to understand that what I was hearing was important. I took some notes to research at another time and then we continued on in our conversation.

No One Dies Alone is a program that was created by a nurse in Eugene, Oregon named Sandra Clarke. In 1986 a dying patient of Sandra's asked her to stay with him a while. She said she'd return after she checked on several other patients also in her care. When Sandra finally had a moment and returned, she found that the man had died. Sandra never forgot the experience and in 2001 she created No One Dies Alone.

NODA has spread to places all over the world. Volunteers from within the community or from the staff at a facility agree to sit with dying patients. There are countless reasons why a person might be in the final stages of their life and be alone. Some of the dying have outlived their family and friends, some have family, but the family needs to take breaks from their bedside vigil in order to care for themselves and others in their families and to work. Some of the dying find themselves in a health crisis far from home or perhaps far from family and friends.

Shortly after learning about it, I joined the volunteers of the Portland, OR chapter of NODA. The creator of the Portland Chapter and my volunteer coordinator at NODA is a kind and gentle man named Jim. At my NODA orientation Jim shared with the group that his mother had passed alone and that had haunted him for 20+ years. That's a long time to be haunted, but what really impressed me was the good that came from it.

My son David was home for the Thanksgiving break and he and I spent several afternoon hours down near Chinatown in Portland. David's a journalism major and was studying documentary creation and production in his sophomore year. He had an assignment due after break and for it, he really wanted to document how the current economy has impacted the homeless. We went downtown with his video camera borrowed from the U of O, and we were open to wherever God would lead us. I thought I was just there for moral support with a real interest in learning what my child cares about. It was such a different experience from what I anticipated it would be and eye-opening. I had no real plan in mind, but I was aware that going down there and being on the streets with the homeless was taking me completely out of my comfort zone. I think what I discovered was that if I really believe what I preach - and I do - then I cannot allow myself to feel any different from any other being when I choose to see at least a spark of God in everyone. What I found was a dark place in me that was terrified that the space between me and homelessness was a month or two of work. What I also understood that day is that homeless people have been stripped of nearly every shred of human dignity and that they only want to be seen. I heard it from several different voices that day, "I'm no different from you". In the end I was the giver and receiver of some really great hugs. I'm different today. Now I know that I need to do something with this new experience in my heart. I'm not sure what exactly, but I'm sure there is much more that will come to me.

As I was relaxing back in the warmth of our family room in front of a roaring fire, after our time outside on a sunny but crisp November afternoon, at about 4:30 Jim from NODA sent an email around asking for vigil volunteers. I was sitting with my laptop when the email from Jim came in. I was in the middle of 4 days off from work and could easily do a shift - as David was editing his video and Brian was at work and I'd pre-prepared much of the Thanksgiving meal we would share the next day. I replied to Jim right away and told him I could fill-in as early as right away or when he had a space he couldn't fill. I barely hit send when David pointed out that my phone was vibrating. I agreed to sit with 90-year old Edith who was dying potentially on a holiday, that evening at 6 - staying through 9.

On my drive to her, I slipped into sweet Edith's energy. Jim told me she was "in and out" but when I got into her energy, it was literally half out of her physical, earthly body. In this vision Edith showed me a kind of black and white film of her life. It was filled with much joy and some deep sorrow. I asked God what I was to do and He led us both to a party where everyone had gathered to say goodbye to Edith. As everyone said goodbye to her, she stood in the middle of the crowd unsure of her next move. I stepped in and told her it was okay to go, that her next step was into heaven and all of her loved ones who had passed before her, were waiting for her. I told her that everyone left behind here would be just fine and that God had told me that hers was a life well lived. I hugged her and kissed her cheek and she turned and stepped though a doorway behind her and was gone.

The next thing I knew I was pulling into the parking lot, signed my name in the guest book and then was walking toward the nurse's station. I told the nurse who I was, that I'd volunteered to sit with Edith until 9 and that this was my very first vigil and I admitted that I was a bit nervous about it. I told her that any advice she could give me would be very much appreciated. The nurse told me that Edith was mostly unresponsive. I told her that Jim had told me she liked music. The nurse said with a smile as she put her hand on my arm "Well, I hope so."

The nurse led the way into Edith's room and looking at Edith said "...Wait a minute...” Edith lay there in her bed, a pink stuffed animal between her hands, somewhat on her side with her mouth and eyes wide open. The nurse listened to Edith's chest with her stethoscope, checked her wrist with her fingers, put her hand close in front of Edith's mouth, and told me she'd be right back with someone else to check her. When the nurse was away I took Edith's hand and told her who I was and that she and I had met a little while ago at her goodbye party. I started singing to her softly. The song that came out of me was a lovely Welsh lullaby that I hadn't even thought of since my sons were small, "All through the night".

Upon their return to Edith's room, it took about 15-minutes for the two nurses to determine that she had passed away. An aide said that said it was only 5:30 when she had last checked on her, changed her gown and her linens and bathed her. I walked into Edith's room at 2 minutes before 6 PM. Sometime between 5:30 and 5:58 Edith stepped into heaven where those that had passed before her, were waiting for her.

Someday I hope to be able to tell Jim what I am able to do spiritually and energetically. I'd like to tell him that his mother was so very proud of him for how he'd taken his pain at her death and turned it into something so incredibly beautiful.

I'm very grateful for my friend who was the willing messenger that told me about NODA. That day before Thanksgiving 2009, I faced two personal fears and came away from both instances a different Carley.

I think that any time we honestly open up and reach out for another; there is a blessing that comes to us - and it's way bigger than we could even imagine it to be.

Happy Thanksgiving to the guys down in Chinatown.

Happy Thanksgiving Edith.

Thank you all for that you've so freely given to me.


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All Through the Night

An ancient Welsh folksong, the following English lyrics were translated by Harold Boulton.



"Sleep my child and peace attend thee,

All through the night

Guardian angels God will send thee,

All through the night

Soft the drowsy hours are creeping

Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,

I my loving vigil keeping

All through the night.


While the moon her watch is keeping

All through the night

While the weary world is sleeping

All through the night

O'er they spirit gently stealing

Visions of delight revealing

Breathes a pure and holy feeling

All through the night.


Love, to thee my thoughts are turning

All through the night

All for thee my heart is yearning,

All through the night.

Though sad fate our lives may sever

Parting will not last forever,

There's a hope that leaves me never,

All through the night."